Living, eating, and breathing everything that is foreign to me has made me question if I am aware of what is familiar anymore. The days under this inextinguishable heat are long, boring, and depressing to say the least. The nights are lonely, quiet, and incredibly long. I spend most nights sitting in my bed, think about sleeping but not sleeping at all. I watch the clock run as the night becomes day and I am still sitting in my bed. The little things,… the little things are getting to me at night. I roll and roll in bed, I talk to myself, I read books, and I think of all the things that I want to happen; still no serenity. It is grueling to have this much time in my hands.
I usually find pleasure in the little things and make the best out any situation; not now…not today, I am unable to cope right now. I need a safe place for my heart and my mind; I need some kind of comfort. I look forward for mail call; it makes me feel loved, remembered and worthy. I know it sounds so weird to say that a simple piece of mail makes me feel worthy but it does. While I sit here, I cannot help but to think that I am out of the picture while the life I used to be part of continues without me. When I get an email, a letter, a package…my heart rejoice and I am reminded my life continues without me but it will be there for me when I get back.
