It is just another day...

Living, eating, and breathing everything that is foreign to me has made me question if I am aware of what is familiar anymore. The days under this inextinguishable heat are long, boring, and depressing to say the least. The nights are lonely, quiet, and incredibly long. I spend most nights sitting in my bed, think about sleeping but not sleeping at all. I watch the clock run as the night becomes day and I am still sitting in my bed. The little things,… the little things are getting to me at night. I roll and roll in bed, I talk to myself, I read books, and I think of all the things that I want to happen; still no serenity. It is grueling to have this much time in my hands.

I usually find pleasure in the little things and make the best out any situation; not now…not today, I am unable to cope right now. I need a safe place for my heart and my mind; I need some kind of comfort. I look forward for mail call; it makes me feel loved, remembered and worthy. I know it sounds so weird to say that a simple piece of mail makes me feel worthy but it does. While I sit here, I cannot help but to think that I am out of the picture while the life I used to be part of continues without me. When I get an email, a letter, a package…my heart rejoice and I am reminded my life continues without me but it will be there for me when I get back.

Fire in the sky...

Last Saturday, July 28th 2007, I was sitting around watching TV, having my usual sleeping problems and then I heard a big boom. A few of us ran outside, climbed to the roof to see what was going on, and there we saw the sky lighten up in the horizon at the nearby American FOB. Apparently, the FOB had a mortar attack close to their Ammunition Holding Area. I sat down on the roof of our building while I had an eerie feeling taken over me and making my skin crawl with hopelessness.

The FOB is so close that—from the roof—we could even see the lights of the emergency vehicles that were going to the area. The fire in the sky was bright; it almost looked as if the sun was going to rise from the FOB itself. I have never seen anything like it thus my amazement was uncanny and the realization that I am in Iraq, in the war zone, vulnerable to the enemy, sank into my cerebral matter with the speed of light.

After watching the light display and wishing that there were no casualties—since it was 2 am—I went back to the TV. The stations were broadcasting an emergency message at the bottom of the screen telling people to take cover; WOW!!! Take cover!!! I had only seen those messages ran for hurricanes and tornados. Now, I read them to know if I have to take cover from a mortar attack.

Do not get me wrong, the base we are in is fairly safe, but this is war…nothing is safe. That is the lesson I took away from that night; never let your guard down because as comfortable as you are, you are still in the middle of the war.

Trace asked me if I am going to be ok when I come back home from the war, my response is still the same; I do not know. I do not know what other things I am going to witness while I am here. I do not know how close I am going to be to the next attack. I do not know if I have to help respond to an attack. I do not know if I have to see people hurt, scream in agonizing pain or even die. I do not know if I will not get to see any of that, therefore I do not know how I am going to be when I get back.

Groundhog Day...

It has been a long time since I written here in this blog. A lot has happen but nothing has happened. I have gotten into my routine, which seems to consist on getting up, going to see my counterpart, give the usual greetings, drink chi and find something that needs attention. There is always something that needs to be done or addressed but it is difficult to actually find the underlying cause of things and make a difference.

We are having trouble with the power and spent a few days with it gone for most of the day. It was utterly annoying. The heat was creeping into our rooms and there was no escaping it. I just decided to sleep most of the time during the day but then I developed a weird kind of insomnia that I am still trying to shake off.

Trace and the kids went on vacation to California and had a great time. I wish I would have been there but the Army seems to need me more at this time. It is amazing the little things that I have learned to appreciate while being here, i.e. I would give anything to be there and change all the crappy diapers Vance had because at least I would be there.

Life here is like Groundhog Day every day, it seems like I am living the same day repeatedly. I have been deployed for two months now and it feels like I have been here forever. Once the workday is over there is absolutely nothing to do but to listen to music, play cards or watch movies. I cannot go and run by myself so that’s out of the question and any of you that has ran with me before know that it is not fun to run with me.

I have been reading a book name “Lucky” from Alice Seabold. It is a good book and it has me hooked. Besides that…nothing going on here. The news back home are still the same, I watch the news in disbelief; how can they forget about us like that? There is so much going on here, so many stories, so many successes and failures but I still see that the coverage is minimal. It is too sad but then again, out of sight, out of mind, right. Isn’t that the effect they were aiming for? "We" fight the war there so they can forget about it here--meaning the mainland. Well, as Borat would say: “Great success!!!” I think they have achieved it.

I hope that this post find everyone of you in good health and that you are enjoying the summer. Remember to write and to keep me in your thoughts. I miss being home…

Some important Information...

Because of the difficulties we encounter by not being inside an American FOB, I have signed our team to be sponsored by the Any Soldier organization. This organization sends care packages to soldiers deployed around the globe. They work on donations and yes, you can volunteer to sponsor a soldier or a unit. Please visit their website by clicking on the hyperlink above if you wish to volunteer. You will find our team under my name if you wish to send something this way.Click here and it will re-direct you to the web page. Thank you.

Happy 4th Of July

Happy 4th of July! We began to celebrate our American holiday by not going to work today. The cooks from the other teams together with our cook spent all day cooking a 4th of July feast for us. It was nice to relax for one day and not have to get up to go to work. At nighttime, as I watch the silly fireworks display we had, I started to think about what this day really means to our country. Funny, I never really thought about it in such an appreciative way; to me it was just another day off to see fireworks and go camping with my family and friends—not mentioning a reminder of my anniversary. I began to try to define what freedom, independence, and democracy meant for me. Almost inevitably, I wondered what it meant for the Iraqi people whilst a couple of stories invaded my head making me change what I thought was a solid view on what freedom really means….

Excerpts from my journal:
“…The TV is always on in their office and this time, instead of a movie or an American show, we were watching the trial of—whom they call—Chemical Ali. He was one of Saddam Hussein’s officers who gain the nickname of Chemical Ali because he was behind most of the chemical attacks against the Kurds and other misfortunate people.

While watching the trial, our interpreter, David, started to tell me that Chemical Ali killed his father and a lot of his family. He said that his family used to live in the countryside north of Kirkuk and they were told they had to move to the city so they packed up and started their journey. Once there, they were separated into the ones that were farmers, the ones that were businesspersons, and so far and so on. After they were separated, they were all gassed, or buried alive…women, children, and old people. He said that only a few skilled people were left alive to serve the Saddam regime. He was happy to see that Chemical Ali was being hung. MAJ Hood was happy also, he said that Ali deserved to die because he was a bad man and he tortured many people....”

“…It was then that I met Miguel, one of the permanent interpreters assigned to us. As he mopped the kitchen floor, he introduced himself to me and we began to talk about his background.”

Miguel was born and raised in Iraq, he lived in Baghdad when the war started. He graduated the University when he was 21 with an Electronic Engineering Bachelors Degree following the footsteps of his siblings who are also engineers. His parents taught all the children to speak English and that is how, after the war started, Miguel started working with coalition forces as an interpreter. His loyalty to the coalition forces put his life in danger and he became a wanted man in Baghdad so the Army transferred him to Tikrit to protect him from assassination but word got around and shortly after his transfer, he was a wanted man in Tikrit also.

Finally, he moved to Kirkuk to work in K-1 with as an interpreter to the MTR (Motor Truck Regiment). Less than a year ago, while he was coming back from his vacation—what we US soldiers know as leave—he was shot and wounded on his left leg. Again, word traveled about his transfer and he now has a $20,000 bounty on his head.

I asked Miguel what he thought about it and if he ever thought about quitting to which he answer: ‘I do not care about the bounty because I believe in what I am doing and I am not going to quit. They can keep looking for me. 'I was blown away by the response I could only tell him: ‘Thank you, I appreciate what you do'.

Walking back to my room, I thought about the two stories I heard today from both interpreters and I wonder if I would be so courageous and dedicated to a cause—or the hope for better days—to put my life in danger every day. How much would I put on the line for what I believe in?

These are the stories that make you wish that what we have done here will eventually work. This is the other side of the story, the side that makes you think harder about human life because it is right in your face and there is no way to evade it. These are the times when, regardless of what I feel about the web that we have weaved here, I pray for these people to find peace someday, I pray for their children to grow up in a place when they can play without seeing the carnage of war; I pray for their freedom. I do not think that any human being deserves to live a life of hardship, not one... "

“…While we were there, I started talking to David about the government system and I told him that I had hope to which he responded: ‘I do not have hope for the future, it has always been the same and it is going to stay the same. I just think about today and what I can do to make it through.’

His thought process floored me, but after talking to him, LT Kaiser, and MAJ Hood for a while, I understood how they felt. They feel that the government is not established to help the people but to benefit their own agenda. They hope that it will get better but they do not see it happening and so, not to have hope for the future protect them from disappointment. David told me that most people do not understand what they are going through as a country. This was most of our conversation:

• David—what our country needs is not help, we need people to sympathize with us to see us as human beings and be our friends.


• Me- Do you mean that if the world sees Iraq in a different light the common people will be empowered
  
• David—yeah, they need to feel part of something and this government is not doing it. The government changes too much to make any progress.


• Me—I hope that things get better for you and your country.


• Lt Kaiser—Do you think that you would come back to Iraq if things get better?—he asked me.


• Me—It would be nice to be able to bring my kids here someday and show them where I worked and who I worked with. It would be great if they would get to see something very differenthad than what I showed them in the pictures from this tour, better.


• David—I do not think that we will see change soon. Things are very dangerous out there. My kids do not even want to go to school because they are scared of IEDs, they cannot even get a fair, peaceful education.


• Me—I cannot even imagine…


• David—…we have to wait in line for hours to get gas, what we get for cars here are the left over or stolen from Europe; they are trash and they break down all the time. But, we have to deal with what we have because we do not make enough money to get anything better.


• Me—what do people do for jobs.


• David—I have an electronic engineering degree and education degree but I cannot find a job and the best that I can do is to take this job so I can support my family. I should have a good job maybe to help government with the reconstruction of the country but I there is nothing.


• Me—I really do hope that things change and that your kids and you family get to see better, peaceful days.


• David--Inshallah (phonetic spelling not grammatically accurate)--meaning "God Willing"

I do not even talk about my house, what I have at home because it makes me feel so guilty. I am such a brat. How can I be so self-centered? There is a different feeling now when I look at what I have and sleeping in a crappy place for a few weeks means nothing now because I know that this is temporary while it is not temporary for them. "

This a before and after picture of our kitchen...