On April 4, 2008, my precious little boy turned four years old. Once again, I sat in somber silence and contemplated the past two years gone by. In my room, I watched the family videos that we took before we separated in the Summer of 2006. I suddenly found myself crying and hating the last two years of my life. What do I have to show for all this time? Guilt, nothing but guilt. 
In 2003, Trace and I planned to conceive our third child and in 04/04/04, we were blessed with Mr. Vance Korben Hill. He made his entrance in our world and claim it his own. Ever since my pregnancy, Vance made me feel different and when it was time for him to be born, he also decided he would come on his own terms and in his special transverse way.
Vance decided he would come into this world late and after finding a comfortable place in my belly, he refused to assume a birthing position. Consequently, having Vance was only possible through surgery but I just wanted to make sure our baby was safe...And so he was, at 8 lbs 5 oz and 21 1/2 inches long, he was a healthy baby boy. My blonde, blue eyed boy...I cannot believe he came from me!!!
He was a beautiful, quiet, and perfect baby and to this day, he has not cease to impress me with his outgoing personality and his incredible memory. I left my baby when he was two years old, he just turned four, but I still have an image of a baby in my mind. I missed the day that stopped calling motorcycles "mimiacles", I missed the first day he went to the toilet on his own and the day he stop wearing diapers for good. I missed several haircuts, laughs, cries, and I missed watching him lose his baby fat. 
I will be home in 43 days and I cannot wait to start rebuilding my relationship with my sons. I cannot wait to make up all the time I have stolen from my children; to receive the unconditional love that only a child can give you and to reciprocate with all my love and attention. I know I cannot get those years back, I know that I can never re-enact the milestones he traveled while I was gone but now I can make sure I am there for the rest.
Luckily for me, Trace has done an incredible job and my baby son still calls for Mom, even in his sleep. I am so blessed to have a family that celebrates me every day and with everything they do. The next step is get home; get home the four men in my life, :).
Vrod, I hope you had a wonderful birthday and that you enjoyed your chocolate cake. I cannot wait to see you grow and to share thousands of special moments with you. We just have to make it through this next 43 days and then your Mommy will be there with you again to baby you and give you all the hugs and kisses that you like so much. Just say you'll wait... you'll wait for me....
These are just some of the pictures we have taken of our little boy over the past four years. Vance looks just like his Dad but he is incredibly photogenic like his Mom....ha ha ha. Peace!!!!
1 comment:
Happy Birthday to you! It is also your special day and we celebrated it with you on our minds and in our hearts.
6 months from now it will seem like you never left. Most everything will be normal and we'll be drinking cold ones on the beach watching your little guys play pirates of the caribbean every week--snorkeling and boating and fishing and hiking in the rain forest, and collecting sea shells--and the sea food--OMG, mmmm mmm -- things will be perfect again...nothing but warm days ahead.
Stay safe and come home! On MAY 20 in Kansas...we will be there to pick you up!
We miss you like crazy! My calendar says 41 days until you leave that ugly place and come home to your little place with us. Not only are we counting down the days, I'm counting down the hours. I have you leaving operation BS in 970.5 hours. Stay safe baby!
I LOVE YOU
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